So, I know I said I was going to be drawing a lot more. In case none of you noticed, I recently hid my most recent picture shortly after posting it up. A few people know why, but I kept it mostly to messenger. I didn't want to make a big fuss about it, but something happened soon after I posted it up that really... kind of shook me. I've never had something like that happen before and it just... it was a shock. I really lost my drive to draw for a while because of it.
I had just recently reached a point in my artistic abilities where I was genuinely happy with my work. I wasn't seeing nothing but flaws anymore. I was feeling confidant in myself... I guess it was decided I needed to be taken down off that confidence boost.
I was particularly proud of my most recent picture, which was the banner of SSJ 'Ku that I made, and so it kinda... hit hard when someone came forward, linked a very unflattering picture of Joan Rivers, and said:
"Your OC looks like a fucked up version of Joan Rivers."
...I know I shouldn't let people get to me like that, but... ... ... I've never had someone insult my work like that. When I looked at the picture they linked... I realized that I saw it too. I couldn't stop seeing it. ...I still can't stop seeing it really. I'm not even sure if I'm going to be able to pick up where I left off. I was on a roll and I let it slip away. I didn't stick with it and now I'm not so sure it will still be here for me to call upon.
I know this sound very little and like a small problem... I can see how ridiculous it is to get upset myself. I didn't want to make a big deal because it was just better to just keep quiet about it and let it be swept under the rug. I've seen too many times what happens to people on this website who complain about people doing things like this: They are taken out and massacred by trolls and people with nothing better to do.
But the truth is, it really hurt. It shook my confidence in my abilities and made me feel like my efforts had been for nothing. I spent a week on that picture trying to make it perfect. I was finally proud of the way I did my line work and how I was able to pull everything together. Now, not so much.
I've unhidden the drawing, but I still see nothing but flaws in it now.
...I thought I had finally beaten that. It's... really a crushing blow to have it come back full force. It's started to bleed over into my other works that I was so proud of. I'm starting to spot every single flaw obsessively all over again, and it just...
...I don't know. I hate seeing this in my work. I hate feeling like this about my own work. Work that I spent countless hours and days on... and -used- to be so proud of.