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This is my Premium Account Pool.

I don't have a lot of disposable income, but I love my premium account, so I'm going to keep this up here, just in case. It can't hurt. :)

...I have no idea how much a premium account in points is, so I just threw a number up there o.o

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So... a little explaining...

Journal Entry: Wed May 22, 2013, 8:00 PM


So, I know I said I was going to be drawing a lot more. In case none of you noticed, I recently hid my most recent picture shortly after posting it up. A few people know why, but I kept it mostly to messenger. I didn't want to make a big fuss about it, but something happened soon after I posted it up that really... kind of shook me. I've never had something like that happen before and it just... it was a shock. I really lost my drive to draw for a while because of it.

I had just recently reached a point in my artistic abilities where I was genuinely happy with my work. I wasn't seeing nothing but flaws anymore. I was feeling confidant in myself... I guess it was decided I needed to be taken down off that confidence boost.

I was particularly proud of my most recent picture, which was the banner of SSJ 'Ku that I made, and so it kinda... hit hard when someone came forward, linked a very unflattering picture of Joan Rivers, and said:

"Your OC looks like a fucked up version of Joan Rivers."

...I know I shouldn't let people get to me like that, but... ... ... I've never had someone insult my work like that. When I looked at the picture they linked... I realized that I saw it too. I couldn't stop seeing it. ...I still can't stop seeing it really. I'm not even sure if I'm going to be able to pick up where I left off. I was on a roll and I let it slip away. I didn't stick with it and now I'm not so sure it will still be here for me to call upon.

I know this sound very little and like a small problem... I can see how ridiculous it is to get upset myself. I didn't want to make a big deal because it was just better to just keep quiet about it and let it be swept under the rug. I've seen too many times what happens to people on this website who complain about people doing things like this: They are taken out and massacred by trolls and people with nothing better to do.

But the truth is, it really hurt. It shook my confidence in my abilities and made me feel like my efforts had been for nothing. I spent a week on that picture trying to make it perfect. I was finally proud of the way I did my line work and how I was able to pull everything together. Now, not so much.

I've unhidden the drawing, but I still see nothing but flaws in it now.

...I thought I had finally beaten that. It's... really a crushing blow to have it come back full force. It's started to bleed over into my other works that I was so proud of. I'm starting to spot every single flaw obsessively all over again, and it just...

...I don't know. I hate seeing this in my work. I hate feeling like this about my own work. Work that I spent countless hours and days on... and -used- to be so proud of.

...Used to.

  • Mood: Shitty
  • Listening to: Nothing.
  • Reading: Nothing.
  • Watching: Nothing.
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: Nothing.
  • Drinking: Nothing.

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~SilentAsShadows
Xion Collander
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States

:iconinkpotplz::iconkittydividerplz::iconkittydivider2plz::iconkittydivider3plz::iconkittydivider4plz::iconquillplz:

:iconch1plz::iconch2plz::iconch3plz::iconch1plz::iconch2plz::iconch3plz::iconch1plz::iconch2plz::iconch3plz:
:icongimmeheartplz::icongimmeheartplz::icongimmeheartplz::icongimmeheartplz:
Current Residence: Galveston, TX
Favourite genre of music: Techno, Rock, Punk Rock, Heavy Metal
Favourite pairings: VegXGoku, KyleXNash, DyneXGhal, and more!
Favourite cartoon character: Ghaleon, Vegeta
:icondivider0::icondivider1::icondivider1::icondivider1::icondivider1::icondivider1::icondivider1::icondivider1::icondivider2:

:iconcardinalplz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconcuteicondivider2plz::iconcuteicondivider2plz::iconcuteicondivider2plz::iconcuteicondivider2plz::iconcuteicondividerplz::iconbluejayplz:

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:iconrbowluv::iconpurple-fplz::iconpink-aplz::iconpurple-nplz::iconpink-exclamationmark::iconrbowluv:

... ... ...Also Yaoi. Yaoi is good too.

:iconbutterfly1plz::iconbutterfly2plz::iconbutterfly3plz::iconbutterfly4plz::iconbutterfly5plz:

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I AM SHOCKED AN APPALLED. These are the ONLY decent Bardock stamps. Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with you people? Bardock is AMAZING. D:
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:iconazzwrath:
~AzzWrath 3 days ago  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favorite~ :>
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:iconprincevegeta925:
~princevegeta925 May 16, 2013  New member Hobbyist Artist
hii
Reply
:iconsilentasshadows:
~SilentAsShadows May 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
o.o hello!
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:iconprincevegeta925:
~princevegeta925 May 16, 2013  New member Hobbyist Artist
hi....:star:
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:iconsilentasshadows:
~SilentAsShadows May 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
.... uhm. how are you? ^^;
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(1 Reply)
:iconsoulreaper162:
~soulreaper162 Apr 28, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the Fav [link] :D
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:iconretkikosmos:
=RetkiKosmos Apr 26, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks for watching me! :blowkiss:
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:iconfoosfan89:
Thank you so very much for the Faves and the Watch!!!
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:iconvegetana:
FUN FACT!

Did you know that Ku is one of the four principal Hawaiian tiki gods?! - Pastes. -

"Ku – Ancient Tiki God of War

In Hawaiian mythology Ku is one of the four great gods along with the ancient tiki gods, Kanaloa, Kane, and Lono. He was the husband of the goddess Hina (Beckwith 1970:12), suggesting a complementary dualism as the word ku in the Hawaiian language means "standing up" while one meaning of 'hina' is 'fallen down.'

Ku is worshipped under many names, including Ku-ka-ili-moku, the "Seizer of Land" (a feather-god, the guardian of Kamehameha). Rituals included human sacrifice, which was not part of the worship of the other gods. Ku, Kane, and Lono caused light to shine in upon the world. They are uncreated gods who have existed from eternity (Tregear 1891:540)."

Isn't that cool?! I saw this and HAD to share it with you. The fact that he's the guardian of Kamehameha amuses me like you don't even know. This would almost make an awesome reference for a plot in future RPs. xD!
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